


Deadpool v Jason

by Gregged



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Friday the 13th Series (Movies), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29042523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gregged/pseuds/Gregged
Summary: What would happen if Deadpool decided to kill all the major horror movie villains starting with Jason himself.





	Deadpool v Jason

"Why hello there reader, it's me your friendly neighborhood Deadpool. I'm sorry that you had to stumble onto this piece of garbage but hey since you're here I might as well tell you about the time that I hunted down the notorious serial killer Jason Voorhees."

"Don't worry it's not a long story, mostly because the dumbass who's writing this shit usually leaves out a bunch of details and just skips straight to the action."

"So our tale begins, as they often do, at a lake with a very large angry man, wearing a hockey mask."

"So why are you going to the lake Mr.Pool asked Dopinder. I didn't know that you liked to fish." 

"Oh I'm not fishing my friend, I'm hunting. America's deadliest serial killer is roaming around this lake and I plan on eating his liver with some favas beans and a nice chianti (slurping noises)."

"Ok Mr. Pool here we are, Camp Crystal lake. Would you like me to drive off with your bag of weapons now?"

"Yea that would be awesome and I'll act all shocked and angry when you do."

"Ok Mr. Pool happy hunting" said Dopinder as he pulled away. 

"Dammit I forgot to grab my bag full of guns" screamed Deadpool. "Oh well I guess I'll have to kill this guy the old fashioned way. With two swords and maximum effort."

Deadpool didn't really know how to find Jason but he thought that if he made a big enough ass of himself that Jason might just come find him.

So the first thing he did was walk up to a big old oak tree and started pissing on it. He screamed out " hey Jason I'm pissing on your tree, you better come over here and pound me."

Nothing happened so he walked up onto the bridge that crossed the lake and yelled " yo Jason, you big pansy, this is my bridge now. I might even take a shit on it." 

Nothing continued to happen. Deadpool started walking towards the cabins thinking about what else he was going to do to tempt Jason when he realized that a hand was poking out of his chest.

Jason had punched straight through him then he lifted Deadpool up and slammed him against the big oak tree that he just pissed on. 

Deadpool looked up at him and said "dammit man, do you know how hard it is to get the pee smell out of this costume." 

"You know for a big guy you're awfully quiet. I don't think anyone has ever snuck up on me like that. It's almost like you can just appear wherever you want to."

Deadpool stood up and said "so you must be Jason huh. I love your hockey mask but what's with the smell. Come on man you live on the lake, the least you could do is take a bath once in awhile."

Jason just stared at him with murderous rage in his eyes. 

"I guess you're not much of a talker huh. Well let me introduce myself, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die."

Then Deadpool cracked his knuckles and drew his swords and said "alright stinky, let's dance." 

Deadpool somersaulted over Jason, slashing his arm. Then he ran both swords clean through Jason's chest. 

Jason looked down at the swords then back up at Deadpool. "Ummmm sorry" Deadpool said just before Jason slammed him back onto the piss tree.

"Back in the piss again, that's a dick move Voorhees!"

Jason pulled the swords out and threw them aside. He swung his machete but Deadpool was able to roll out of the way and the machete was buried in the tree.

Jason struggled to pull it free and Deadpool took advantage by grabbing both of his swords. Jason pulled his machete free and the two faced off.

Jason charged while swinging his machete. Deadpool parried his strike and rolled to his side. Then he sprung over Jason's head and landed behind him.

Jason whirled around to swing again but he was to slow and Deadpool decapitated him before he could swing one last time.

Deadpool stood over Jason's headless body and said "there can be only one."  
He then picked up Jason's hockey mask and called his ride home.

When Deadpool got home he pulled out Jason's mask and placed it on his mantel right in between Predator's mask and Barney's big purple head.


End file.
